








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
576 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 360 | 17% |
| Smokes | 729 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 667 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 309 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $261,704 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nookie | 54% | 98 |
| #2 | Noxisan | 54% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nookie | 54% | 98 |
| #2 | Noxisan | 54% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nookie | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noxisan | 67 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | nookie | 42 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noxisan | +5.15 | 83 | 61 |
| #2 | nookie | +0.46 | 49 | 33 |
| #3 | odnirolf | -2.32 | 47 | 34 |





