








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 846 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Faceit | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5023 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,314 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5394 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4846 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2911 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 4163 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $800,625 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 900 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yass | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | <Wall Hack | 57% | 42 |
| #3 | METTA | 42% | 24 |
| #4 | 𝑴𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 ଓ˖˚ | 41% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yass | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | <Wall Hack | 57% | 42 |
| #3 | METTA | 42% | 24 |
| #4 | 𝑴𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 ଓ˖˚ | 41% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝑴𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 ଓ˖˚ | 6 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | <Wall Hack | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | yass | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | METTA | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <Wall Hack | 256 | 0.31 | 8 min |
| #2 | 𝑴𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 ଓ˖˚ | 53 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | yass | 27 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | METTA | 14 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wheezr | +1.67 | 71 | 60 |
| #2 | <Wall Hack | +0.77 | 79 | 74 |
| #3 | yass | -2.68 | 74 | 32 |
| #4 | 𝑴𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 ଓ˖˚ | -2.73 | 45 | 42 |
| #5 | METTA | -3.59 | 28 | 44 |





