








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 183 matches | ||
| Wingman | 137 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,137 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 430 | 7% |
| Smokes | 1662 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2123 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1922 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,333 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrimpston | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | Comrade Squidward | 51% | 211 |
| #3 | ☭Genosse Gysi☭ | 45% | 191 |
| #4 | Drake Communist | 40% | 42 |
| #5 | Lange B-anane 1 | 36% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrimpston | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | Comrade Squidward | 51% | 211 |
| #3 | ☭Genosse Gysi☭ | 45% | 191 |
| #4 | Drake Communist | 40% | 42 |
| #5 | Lange B-anane 1 | 36% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☭Genosse Gysi☭ | 37 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Comrade Squidward | 24 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Shrimpston | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Drake Communist | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comrade Squidward | 561 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | ☭Genosse Gysi☭ | 344 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | Drake Communist | 126 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Shrimpston | 85 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lange B-anane 1 | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrimpston | +6.54 | 79 | 48 |
| #2 | Comrade Squidward | +3.16 | 56 | 67 |
| #3 | Drake Communist | +1.69 | 40 | 57 |
| #4 | ☭Genosse Gysi☭ | +1.06 | 37 | 55 |
| #5 | ☭Genosse Mao☭ | -2.64 | 20 | 35 |





