








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1908 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,895 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1734 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1066 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 2495 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1600 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $467,064 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 78 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | soi mo co kc | 50% | 14 |
| #11 | Scholaf Lolz | 50% | 20 |
| #12 | hyouka | 43% | 21 |
| #13 | Koka 死 | 27% | 15 |
| #14 | ᠌ ˡᶤˢᵃ | 21% | 19 |





