








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1016 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 165 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4532 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,866 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3877 | 30% |
| Smokes | 963 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 4100 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3926 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $489,050 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 366 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Σ | 62% | 218 |
| #3 | eggar | 59% | 51 |
| #4 | fat_mnkey | 54% | 41 |
| #5 | Don Sondre ✪ | 53% | 91 |
| #6 | Poncake | 46% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Σ | 110 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #2 | Don Sondre ✪ | 95 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | eggar | 71 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Poncake | 66 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | fat_mnkey | 36 | 0.04 | 1 min |





