










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
102 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 78 | 23% |
| Smokes | 83 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 81 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 103 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $79,850 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quinn Stefani | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | The Minister | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | RUST | SMOIL | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Kikko | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | nofrown | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RUST | SMOIL | 1 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | nofrown | 1 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | The Minister | 1 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kikko | 29 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #2 | RUST | SMOIL | 18 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #3 | JilkerWow | 18 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Quinn Stefani | 17 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | The Minister | 16 | 0.19 | 0 min |





