








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 293 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 204 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2905 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,389 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1418 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1757 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2151 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1063 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,388,649 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smegma Male Grindset | 51% | 84 |
| #2 | bait rat | 48% | 116 |
| #3 | Poryhedron | 48% | 23 |
| #4 | Monster Can Astolfo | 47% | 87 |
| #5 | The biggest oversight with Lilli | 45% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | bait rat | 48% | 116 |
| #3 | Poryhedron | 48% | 23 |
| #4 | Monster Can Astolfo | 47% | 87 |
| #5 | The biggest oversight with Lilli | 45% | 112 |
| #6 | Samurai I Amurai | 41% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The biggest oversight with Lilli | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | bait rat | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Smegma Male Grindset | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Monster Can Astolfo | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Samurai I Amurai | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bait rat | 277 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | Monster Can Astolfo | 246 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Smegma Male Grindset | 188 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | The biggest oversight with Lilli | 187 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | Samurai I Amurai | 37 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bait rat | +2.56 | 74 | 54 |
| #2 | Smegma Male Grindset | +2.24 | 61 | 50 |
| #3 | The biggest oversight with Lilli | +1.80 | 75 | 49 |
| #4 | Monster Can Astolfo | +1.72 | 60 | 55 |
| #5 | Poryhedron | +0.02 | 53 | 44 |





