








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank |
|---|
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 3 different maps



Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
65 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 98 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 20 | 20% |
| Smokes | 25 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 14 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 39 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $19,200 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunk | 5 | 0.0340 |
| #2 | poobah | 1 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | StarSign | 1 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poobah | 15 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #2 | StarSign | 7 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | norge | 6 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Gunk | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |





