








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 813 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 344 matches | ||
| Premier | 218 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6769 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,501 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2386 | 16% |
| Smokes | 6073 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 4708 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1334 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,742,364 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 234 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BR8RG | 37 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | lore accurate wealthy white man | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | big wiggly style | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | austn | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Hyper | 5 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lore accurate wealthy white man | 246 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #2 | BR8RG | 222 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #3 | big wiggly style | 105 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hyper | 104 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | austn | 12 | 0.01 | 0 min |





