








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 230 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2127 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,905 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2149 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2309 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1457 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1990 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $730,313 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Prime-Toast | 49% | 57 |
| #10 | Penaldo | 49% | 55 |
| #11 | Photo | 47% | 17 |
| #12 | ᴍɪʟᴋᴇɴᴢɪᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰʀᴇɴᴢɪᴇ | 44% | 27 |
| #13 | Fuzzy | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WankyScar | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | AaronXCVI | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Jimmy Dixon | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Shagroids | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Bomboleo | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WankyScar | 404 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Penaldo | 247 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #3 | Jimmy Dixon | 206 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | Fuzzy | 178 | 0.33 | 5 min |
| #5 | Prime-Toast | 147 | 0.11 | 3 min |





