








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
681 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,352 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 634 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1205 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 936 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1577 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $252,739 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <m0tive> | 48% | 100 |
| #2 | luvsic | 41% | 66 |
| #3 | Your New Anime Waifu <3 UwU | 39% | 132 |
| #4 | Caffeinated | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <m0tive> | 48% | 100 |
| #2 | luvsic | 41% | 66 |
| #3 | Your New Anime Waifu <3 UwU | 39% | 132 |
| #4 | Caffeinated | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Your New Anime Waifu <3 UwU | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | <m0tive> | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | luvsic | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Caffeinated | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <m0tive> | 332 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | Your New Anime Waifu <3 UwU | 101 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | luvsic | 25 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Caffeinated | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | luvsic | +3.98 | 74 | 27 |
| #2 | <m0tive> | +3.77 | 66 | 63 |
| #3 | Your New Anime Waifu <3 UwU | -1.90 | 36 | 23 |
| #4 | Caffeinated | -4.57 | 25 | 12 |
| #5 | BongSlayer | -4.69 | 26 | 50 |





