








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 232 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3005 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,469 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1321 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2009 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3275 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 2864 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $923,197 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 247 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $tat$yzygy | 55% | 82 |
| #2 | SaultyNuts | 53% | 40 |
| #3 | Blast Hamcleaver | 51% | 167 |
| #4 | Columbian BamBam | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $tat$yzygy | 55% | 82 |
| #2 | SaultyNuts | 53% | 40 |
| #3 | Blast Hamcleaver | 51% | 167 |
| #4 | Columbian BamBam | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blast Hamcleaver | 21 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | $tat$yzygy | 8 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | SaultyNuts | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Columbian BamBam | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blast Hamcleaver | 553 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | $tat$yzygy | 280 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | SaultyNuts | 98 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Columbian BamBam | 52 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Columbian BamBam | +2.18 | 51 | 67 |
| #2 | $tat$yzygy | +0.13 | 55 | 69 |
| #3 | Blast Hamcleaver | +0.05 | 48 | 71 |
| #4 | Bubblez | -0.13 | 74 | 45 |
| #5 | SaultyNuts | -0.75 | 54 | 68 |





