










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,152 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1342 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1290 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2321 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1199 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $643,191 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 642 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tajikistan Stick Man | 71% | 34 |
| #2 | Dear.Freeze | 60% | 53 |
| #3 | Thai Ming | 56% | 85 |
| #4 | Valtteri | 55% | 121 |
| #5 | ♰ Angolan Käännyttäjä ♰ | 48% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♰ Angolan Käännyttäjä ♰ | 28 | 0.0246 |
| #2 | Valtteri | 16 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Dear.Freeze | 13 | 0.0112 |
| #4 | Thai Ming | 11 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Tajikistan Stick Man | 8 | 0.0118 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thai Ming | 411 | 0.23 | 10 min |
| #2 | Valtteri | 285 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | ♰ Angolan Käännyttäjä ♰ | 274 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #4 | Dear.Freeze | 213 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #5 | Tajikistan Stick Man | 104 | 0.15 | 2 min |





