








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 293 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2380 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,348 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 961 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1069 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1556 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 762 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $957,088 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 284 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♛Gender Fluid Biden♛ | 54% | 24 |
| #2 | wtp'n | BridgeSeW | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | H0LL0WICH | 45% | 118 |
| #4 | JU1CYHOLLOW | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | Gay Hitler | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♛Gender Fluid Biden♛ | 54% | 24 |
| #2 | wtp'n | BridgeSeW | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | H0LL0WICH | 45% | 118 |
| #4 | JU1CYHOLLOW | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | Gay Hitler | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | H0LL0WICH | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | JU1CYHOLLOW | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | ♛Gender Fluid Biden♛ | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wtp'n | BridgeSeW | 137 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | Gay Hitler | 104 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | JU1CYHOLLOW | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | H0LL0WICH | 42 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | ♛Gender Fluid Biden♛ | 36 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gay Hitler | +2.54 | 70 | 79 |
| #2 | ♛Gender Fluid Biden♛ | +1.49 | 66 | 45 |
| #3 | H0LL0WICH | +0.29 | 48 | 26 |
| #4 | Bob | +0.07 | 39 | 36 |
| #5 | JU1CYHOLLOW | -1.56 | 33 | 23 |





