








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 739 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




229 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12594 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,728 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6837 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4170 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 6320 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4401 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,214,956 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1061 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ GYX | 98% | 62 |
| #2 | userissue | 95% | 99 |
| #3 | Nang Dogg | 88% | 73 |
| #4 | Uncle mETH | 78% | 366 |
| #5 | Mitchie Ray | 73% | 298 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Nang Dogg | 88% | 73 |
| #4 | Uncle mETH | 78% | 366 |
| #5 | Mitchie Ray | 73% | 298 |
| #6 | Boothy | 65% | 96 |
| #7 | Geoff | 62% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle mETH | 91 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | Mitchie Ray | 57 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | Geoff | 33 | 0.0176 |
| #4 | Boothy | 13 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | userissue | 10 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mitchie Ray | 967 | 0.17 | 26 min |
| #2 | Uncle mETH | 515 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #3 | Geoff | 308 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #4 | Nang Dogg | 163 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Boothy | 117 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | userissue | +8.21 | 99 | 21 |
| #2 | Ziggy | +4.43 | 94 | 56 |
| #3 | Mitchie Ray | +3.08 | 88 | 78 |
| #4 | Uncle mETH | +2.51 | 81 | 48 |
| #5 | Geoff | +2.00 | 83 | 76 |





