








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2293 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 785 matches | ||
| Premier | 483 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12820 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 55,033 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 16188 | 29% |
| Smokes | 17229 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 8835 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 12781 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,316,344 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5266 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeP | 61% | 85 |
| #2 | PETER GRIEFER | 60% | 161 |
| #3 | PJ | 59% | 230 |
| #4 | Beezy | 58% | 145 |
| #5 | TruZt | トラスト | 51% | 202 |





