








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1081 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 914 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 355 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6224 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,583 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6616 | 31% |
| Smokes | 878 | 4% |
| HE Grenades | 5852 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 8237 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,804,564 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 731 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GrumpyWumpy | 53% | 64 |
| #2 | Blanche (Smurf) | 48% | 75 |
| #3 | MAU | 45% | 225 |
| #4 | McLovin | 42% | 196 |
| #5 | Blanche | 39% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tokyo Sexwhale | 35 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | TITAN | 20 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | MAU | 13 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | McLovin | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | 女王 Hakari | 7 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tokyo Sexwhale | 1109 | 0.25 | 20 min |
| #2 | 女王 Hakari | 590 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #3 | McLovin | 513 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #4 | TITAN | 298 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #5 | Blanche (Smurf) | 120 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AIDS | +1.39 | 24 | 48 |
| #2 | GrumpyWumpy | +0.80 | 39 | 41 |
| #3 | Blanche | +0.51 | 50 | 52 |
| #4 | MAU | +0.50 | 50 | 44 |
| #5 | Blanche (Smurf) | -0.06 | 14 | 61 |





