








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 786 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 312 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2933 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,018 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2198 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2366 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1778 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1676 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $740,558 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Red John | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | ShOtTiE_DeReK | 50% | 246 |
| #3 | booty patooty | 49% | 171 |
| #4 | GrumpyMonk | 48% | 106 |
| #5 | Smeeth | 46% | 119 |





