








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 221 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3377 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,896 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1053 | 18% |
| Smokes | 635 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 2473 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1735 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $752,360 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michelx92 ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ | 54% | 95 |
| #2 | Legendary Chronos | 48% | 191 |
| #3 | MC Hallenwinkel | 48% | 125 |
| #4 | Mac Moneysac | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Albatros🌈✨ | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Legendary Chronos | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | thulke | 8 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | MC Hallenwinkel | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Michelx92 ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | xRavenn42 | 4 | 0.0093 |





