








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 263 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1635 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,528 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 900 | 20% |
| Smokes | 970 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1492 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1166 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $282,991 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gypsy penjamin | 48% | 23 |
| #2 | Monkey Mæn | 47% | 19 |
| #3 | Greg | 45% | 64 |
| #4 | Micheal the Cum Messiah | 43% | 109 |
| #5 | Mythos | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mythos | 6 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | Micheal the Cum Messiah | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Stacy's Dad | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | gypsy penjamin | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | uh | 2 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gypsy penjamin | +4.04 | 55 | 36 |
| #2 | Micheal the Cum Messiah | +3.40 | 59 | 64 |
| #3 | Mythos | +1.99 | 60 | 49 |
| #4 | uh | +1.20 | 61 | 63 |
| #5 | Monkey Mæn | +0.66 | 53 | 42 |





