








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2094 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,758 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1324 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1296 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1526 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1612 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $484,375 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 435 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlickSiwik | 61% | 28 |
| #2 | tube gamer | 55% | 114 |
| #3 | june | epal.gg | 54% | 160 |
| #4 | blart | 50% | 34 |
| #5 | Blunt Simpson | 49% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | june | epal.gg | 54% | 160 |
| #4 | blart | 50% | 34 |
| #5 | Blunt Simpson | 49% | 41 |
| #6 | John Cena Megatron Goku 4000 | 36% | 28 |
| #7 | these | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | june | epal.gg | 10 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | tube gamer | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Blunt Simpson | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | blart | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | june | epal.gg | 479 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #2 | tube gamer | 348 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #3 | John Cena Megatron Goku 4000 | 121 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Blunt Simpson | 119 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | SlickSiwik | 102 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tube gamer | +2.92 | 64 | 43 |
| #2 | Blunt Simpson | +0.83 | 65 | 63 |
| #3 | austin powers 4 vhs | +0.37 | 62 | 37 |
| #4 | SlickSiwik | -0.45 | 53 | 60 |
| #5 | june | epal.gg | -0.66 | 65 | 40 |





