








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1392 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1662 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1431 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 801 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1134 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $192,063 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Amosito | 82% | 22 |
| #2 | kakomaelk | 76% | 33 |
| #3 | Twistzz | 73% | 44 |
| #4 | jamal | 69% | 45 |
| #5 | NLM | 67% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Twistzz | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Zit0 | 3 | 0.0205 |
| #3 | Hammer | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jamal | 188 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | Amosito | 130 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #3 | Twistzz | 105 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | kakomaelk | 88 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hammer | 80 | 0.14 | 3 min |





