








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1022 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 327 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




156 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7689 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,891 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4126 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3491 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 5367 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3907 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,489,702 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2084 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | purple Bober′ | 65% | 40 |
| #2 | EskimoIS | 64% | 118 |
| #3 | Obi | 62% | 102 |
| #4 | Obi ALT | 53% | 47 |
| #5 | 2025 jerkmate champion | 51% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | EskimoIS | 64% | 118 |
| #3 | Obi | 62% | 102 |
| #4 | Obi ALT | 53% | 47 |
| #5 | 2025 jerkmate champion | 51% | 104 |
| #6 | ᵍᵘᶰ | 49% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EskimoIS | 62 | 0.0259 |
| #2 | Obi | 48 | 0.0243 |
| #3 | ᵍᵘᶰ | 32 | 0.0183 |
| #4 | 2025 jerkmate champion | 28 | 0.0130 |
| #5 | Obi ALT | 27 | 0.0426 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Obi | 492 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #2 | 2025 jerkmate champion | 265 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | EskimoIS | 203 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Obi ALT | 148 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #5 | ᵍᵘᶰ | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beg | +3.61 | 90 | 58 |
| #2 | Obi | +2.18 | 89 | 50 |
| #3 | EskimoIS | +1.78 | 88 | 48 |
| #4 | Obi ALT | +1.30 | 89 | 54 |
| #5 | 2025 jerkmate champion | +0.69 | 92 | 52 |





