








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 573 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 724 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4406 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,145 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4231 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3765 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4102 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3047 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,879,564 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 860 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DankDaddy | 53% | 115 |
| #2 | Mayhem | 50% | 613 |
| #3 | analbeads | 48% | 44 |
| #4 | Doot Doot | 42% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DankDaddy | 53% | 115 |
| #2 | Mayhem | 50% | 613 |
| #3 | analbeads | 48% | 44 |
| #4 | Doot Doot | 42% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mayhem | 7 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | DankDaddy | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | analbeads | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Doot Doot | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DankDaddy | 272 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | Mayhem | 90 | 0.01 | 3 min |
| #3 | Doot Doot | 44 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | analbeads | 29 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doot Doot | +1.57 | 64 | 20 |
| #2 | Mayhem | +1.15 | 44 | 19 |
| #3 | DankDaddy | +0.24 | 32 | 66 |
| #4 | analbeads | -0.30 | 35 | 39 |
| #5 | 2009wrangler | -1.93 | 30 | 44 |





