








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1391 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,522 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 142 | 9% |
| Smokes | 364 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 464 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 552 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $397,152 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tak | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | PP-Bizon | 46% | 138 |
| #3 | SexyAssShepherdsPieStuffedPotato | 43% | 30 |
| #4 | SexyAssBakedPotato | 40% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tak | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | PP-Bizon | 46% | 138 |
| #3 | SexyAssShepherdsPieStuffedPotato | 43% | 30 |
| #4 | SexyAssBakedPotato | 40% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PP-Bizon | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | SexyAssBakedPotato | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Tak | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | SexyAssShepherdsPieStuffedPotato | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SexyAssBakedPotato | 227 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | Tak | 122 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | PP-Bizon | 109 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | SexyAssShepherdsPieStuffedPotato | 13 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tak | +3.25 | 75 | 61 |
| #2 | PP-Bizon | +3.08 | 65 | 35 |
| #3 | SexyAssShepherdsPieStuffedPotato | +1.50 | 63 | 52 |
| #4 | SexyAssBakedPotato | -3.13 | 25 | 63 |
| #5 | Lifesaver | -3.37 | 45 | 18 |





