








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 816 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 89 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,703 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5682 | 21% |
| Smokes | 8099 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 7044 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6878 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,369,425 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | NoobOnTour | 48% | 113 |
| #6 | Criimly | 47% | 238 |
| #7 | RayDie! | 47% | 103 |
| #8 | Jennifer ♡ | 46% | 179 |
| #9 | XTC | 45% | 51 |





