








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1127 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 545 matches | ||
| Faceit | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6858 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,168 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6743 | 29% |
| Smokes | 6995 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 6396 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3034 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,143,190 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1259 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Calbeeee | 54% | 110 |
| #6 | Business Floyd | 53% | 134 |
| #7 | Spyke1 | 52% | 75 |
| #8 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 46% | 123 |
| #9 | infernalcaster | 41% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Business Floyd | 10 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Spyke1 | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Business Dog | 4 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Calbeeee | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 824 | 0.32 | 16 min |
| #2 | Calbeeee | 233 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Spyke1 | 232 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Business Floyd | 208 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | infernalcaster | 203 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Business Floyd | +4.65 | 87 | 64 |
| #2 | Cliven Bundy | +4.58 | 87 | 66 |
| #3 | Spyke1 | +1.46 | 66 | 57 |
| #4 | EmeraldV | +1.46 | 72 | 58 |
| #5 | Russell | +1.30 | 53 | 48 |





