








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,596 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 798 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1011 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 728 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1059 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $310,941 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Kanade | 41% | 22 |
| #10 | leeremenge | 40% | 10 |
| #11 | 11 | 40% | 10 |
| #12 | 小橙子超酷! | 35% | 17 |
| #13 | (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ Kys | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wyime | 3 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | 鸡窝托斯超级人 | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | 欧洲顶级突破口-FywOo | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Boosted Shit | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 欧洲顶级突破口-FywOo | 142 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Kanade | 121 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| #3 | Boosted Shit | 94 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hippologist | 57 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| #5 | leeremenge | 48 | 0.24 | 2 min |





