








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1032 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 279 matches | ||
| Faceit | 120 matches | ||
| Wingman | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 83 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10128 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,832 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11556 | 33% |
| Smokes | 8679 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 9568 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5029 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,172,348 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 960 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





