








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 254 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 111 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1386 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1270 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1333 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1192 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1634 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $496,631 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dominican Papi | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Hanus | 51% | 55 |
| #3 | manny the utterly small tranny | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | Joshuva | 50% | 72 |
| #5 | --zilla-- | 50% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dominican Papi | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Hanus | 51% | 55 |
| #3 | manny the utterly small tranny | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | Joshuva | 50% | 72 |
| #5 | --zilla-- | 50% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | --zilla-- | 28 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | manny the utterly small tranny | 5 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Joshuva | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Hanus | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshuva | 363 | 0.23 | 10 min |
| #2 | --zilla-- | 311 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Hanus | 173 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | manny the utterly small tranny | 36 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dominican Papi | 25 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dominican Papi | +3.36 | 36 | 45 |
| #2 | Joshuva | +1.04 | 51 | 74 |
| #3 | --zilla-- | +0.71 | 53 | 59 |
| #4 | ORMLIVER | +0.59 | 62 | 54 |
| #5 | manny the utterly small tranny | -1.79 | 30 | 42 |





