








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1039 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 428 matches | ||
| Faceit | 133 matches | ||
| Esplay | 28 matches | 1,350 | |
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4694 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,772 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2553 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4286 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2941 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1992 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,824,348 of utility $329 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1317 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noot Noot | 52% | 241 |
| #2 | cl_boosted | 46% | 297 |
| #3 | SkaRi | 43% | 42 |
| #4 | Hansi Flick | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noot Noot | 52% | 241 |
| #2 | cl_boosted | 46% | 297 |
| #3 | SkaRi | 43% | 42 |
| #4 | Hansi Flick | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hansi Flick | 6 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Noot Noot | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | SkaRi | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | cl_boosted | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hansi Flick | 200 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #2 | Noot Noot | 190 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #3 | cl_boosted | 55 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| #4 | SkaRi | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hansi Flick | +3.52 | 81 | 67 |
| #2 | Noot Noot | +2.36 | 69 | 31 |
| #3 | cl_boosted | +2.17 | 73 | 20 |
| #4 | SkaRi | -0.65 | 48 | 52 |
| #5 | Imagine Wagons | -2.61 | 28 | 45 |





