








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 84 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 368 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 45 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5477 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,882 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4261 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3539 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 5855 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3227 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,640,466 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 451 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramen😕 | 60% | 50 |
| #2 | Cornball Thot | 56% | 45 |
| #3 | _Simplex_ | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | El Futonion | 48% | 33 |
| #5 | Dankielson | 47% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Cornball Thot | 56% | 45 |
| #3 | _Simplex_ | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | El Futonion | 48% | 33 |
| #5 | Dankielson | 47% | 86 |
| #6 | PsyOpScout | 33% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramen😕 | 11 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | _Simplex_ | 6 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | Dankielson | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Cornball Thot | 5 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | PsyOpScout | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramen😕 | 165 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | Dankielson | 111 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Cornball Thot | 84 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | PsyOpScout | 51 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | El Futonion | 42 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramen😕 | +3.05 | 86 | 55 |
| #2 | WeaponT | +1.56 | 70 | 60 |
| #3 | Cornball Thot | -0.23 | 29 | 70 |
| #4 | El Futonion | -1.65 | 63 | 31 |
| #5 | Dankielson | -1.67 | 67 | 42 |





