








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
413 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 488 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 84 | 17% |
| Smokes | 202 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 167 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 35 | 7% |
Our logs show you have wasted $95,523 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pillow Hands | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | EFF0RTL3ZZ | 52% | 33 |
| #3 | Saikuta | 42% | 36 |
| #4 | xOCT4VIOx | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pillow Hands | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | EFF0RTL3ZZ | 52% | 33 |
| #3 | Saikuta | 42% | 36 |
| #4 | xOCT4VIOx | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saikuta | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | xOCT4VIOx | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Pillow Hands | 2 | 0.0175 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EFF0RTL3ZZ | 101 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | xOCT4VIOx | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Saikuta | 7 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #4 | Pillow Hands | 6 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pillow Hands | +2.37 | 84 | 34 |
| #2 | Saikuta | +2.07 | 48 | 17 |
| #3 | EFF0RTL3ZZ | +0.70 | 67 | 49 |
| #4 | xOCT4VIOx | -1.56 | 27 | 32 |
| #5 | TeribLe | -1.57 | 35 | 24 |





