








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 152 matches | ||
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




194 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5567 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,848 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2309 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2226 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3518 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2795 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,152,265 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DishwasherPr0 | 53% | 87 |
| #2 | humble girth | 49% | 61 |
| #3 | FENT-CHAN | 49% | 376 |
| #4 | Dog Nuts | 48% | 319 |
| #5 | Death Bat | 48% | 107 |





