








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 130 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 834 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1622 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1467 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1218 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $514,264 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AnarchistAvenger | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | Progressiv Type | 48% | 63 |
| #3 | Niko | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | Imagine Poop | 45% | 22 |
| #5 | XM Jørgen | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Torben | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Imagine Poop | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Niko | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Torben | 564 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #2 | Progressiv Type | 102 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Imagine Poop | 54 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | AnarchistAvenger | 37 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Niko | 20 | 0.05 | 1 min |





