








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 137 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3060 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1957 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2785 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2218 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $688,561 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fear! | 54% | 76 |
| #2 | MyNameJeff | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | NohVoha | 52% | 27 |
| #4 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | 49% | 70 |
| #5 | HT | PThirteen | 48% | 178 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | 49% | 70 |
| #5 | HT | PThirteen | 48% | 178 |
| #6 | Schlomper | 48% | 25 |
| #7 | jakeapotamus | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | Toxy | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | fear! | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | HT | PThirteen | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | MyNameJeff | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | jakeapotamus | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HT | PThirteen | 696 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #2 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | 151 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | fear! | 149 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | MyNameJeff | 95 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | Schlomper | 81 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toxy | +2.46 | 62 | 54 |
| #2 | HT | PThirteen | +1.75 | 79 | 79 |
| #3 | NohVoha | +1.65 | 84 | 60 |
| #4 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | +0.55 | 76 | 50 |
| #5 | MyNameJeff | -0.08 | 76 | 80 |





