








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2322 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1476 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1497 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1265 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1042 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $638,804 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 183 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trauby | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | kaga | 62% | 68 |
| #3 | bobby | 58% | 24 |
| #4 | Violent Semen Inferno | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | ceke | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JanSaretzki | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | witschieee | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | kaga | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Lun4r | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | bobby | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaga | 181 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | witschieee | 121 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #3 | Lun4r | 113 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | JanSaretzki | 70 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Trauby | 61 | 0.13 | 2 min |





