








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 273 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 256 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3175 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,785 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2861 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3247 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1961 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2716 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $952,636 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 313 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuaMor | 59% | 129 |
| #2 | Mardo | 56% | 48 |
| #3 | Sr. Cata | ❤ | 47% | 144 |
| #4 | CaNTa | 45% | 119 |
| #5 | ElMiranda | 45% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | CaNTa | 45% | 119 |
| #5 | ElMiranda | 45% | 58 |
| #6 | gustavo conseição | 45% | 87 |
| #7 | 𝙇𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙟𝙖 | 39% | 28 |
| #8 | Chico | 38% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sr. Cata | ❤ | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | CaNTa | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | ZuaMor | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | gustavo conseição | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | 𝙇𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙟𝙖 | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuaMor | 698 | 0.26 | 17 min |
| #2 | CaNTa | 392 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #3 | ElMiranda | 207 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | gustavo conseição | 175 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | 𝙇𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙟𝙖 | 129 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuaMor | +4.67 | 77 | 66 |
| #2 | Little Magician | +0.49 | 46 | 53 |
| #3 | Sr. Cata | ❤ | +0.30 | 56 | 38 |
| #4 | ElMiranda | +0.11 | 37 | 56 |
| #5 | CaNTa | -0.75 | 50 | 57 |





