








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
87 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 58 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 13 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 21 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 20 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $6,325 of utility $18 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ➣ Big Jim | 31% | 16 |
| #5 | scrappy coco | 30% | 10 |
| #6 | finn | 30% | 10 |
| #7 | ismokefent | 0% | 2 |
| #8 | datsun_wolfgang | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ➣ Big Jim | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | scrappy coco | 23 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | finn | 19 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | ➣ Big Jim | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | adamn | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | ~Dr.Spankenstein~Mr. Bill Gaming | 2 | 0.02 | 0 min |





