








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1462 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,125 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1367 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1427 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1690 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1641 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $164,944 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monte | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | TheSovietPenguin | 69% | 39 |
| #3 | Coless | 52% | 77 |
| #4 | GYATO | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Capt.Saucetin | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Coless | 52% | 77 |
| #4 | GYATO | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Capt.Saucetin | 41% | 27 |
| #6 | LiftedToast4932 | 36% | 11 |
| #7 | OOR | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coless | 10 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | TheSovietPenguin | 10 | 0.0175 |
| #3 | GYATO | 6 | 0.0112 |
| #4 | Monte | 4 | 0.0150 |
| #5 | Capt.Saucetin | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coless | 181 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | GYATO | 30 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | Capt.Saucetin | 23 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | TheSovietPenguin | 18 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Monte | 9 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheSovietPenguin | +5.26 | 58 | 42 |
| #2 | Dyson V8 Cord Free Vacuum | +1.50 | 60 | 65 |
| #3 | Monte | -1.22 | 53 | 21 |
| #4 | Coless | -1.44 | 63 | 39 |
| #5 | GYATO | -1.49 | 17 | 42 |





