








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 627 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 173 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 87 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,084 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1601 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2376 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2003 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1104 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,129,198 of utility $258 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SEÑORTUNA | 60% | 108 |
| #2 | boobs shake dick | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | John Flick | 60% | 75 |
| #4 | ZaZa | 60% | 151 |
| #5 | pa1n | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | John Flick | 60% | 75 |
| #4 | ZaZa | 60% | 151 |
| #5 | pa1n | 56% | 16 |
| #6 | NICKAGE | 56% | 91 |
| #7 | Rémn | 55% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZaZa | 27 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | SEÑORTUNA | 10 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | NICKAGE | 9 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Rémn | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | John Flick | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZaZa | 741 | 0.24 | 21 min |
| #2 | John Flick | 192 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | SEÑORTUNA | 159 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Rémn | 92 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | NICKAGE | 48 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pa1n | +2.46 | 44 | 47 |
| #2 | ZaZa | +2.13 | 84 | 71 |
| #3 | SEÑORTUNA | +0.93 | 49 | 67 |
| #4 | John Flick | +0.30 | 64 | 59 |
| #5 | NICKAGE | +0.04 | 54 | 52 |





