








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 578 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,948 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1422 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1408 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2200 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1918 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $687,155 of utility $52 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1167 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pyker | 54% | 35 |
| #2 | Baaaaaang smytherinoguadeloupe | 52% | 50 |
| #3 | xǝɹ snoᴉdnolǝpɐnפ ❤ | 51% | 98 |
| #4 | Guadeloupious Rex | 47% | 193 |
| #5 | ⛟ M'Cuckn ⛟ | 44% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guadeloupious Rex | 35 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | xǝɹ snoᴉdnolǝpɐnפ ❤ | 18 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | amob | 15 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | ⛟ M'Cuckn ⛟ | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Baaaaaang smytherinoguadeloupe | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guadeloupious Rex | 1543 | 0.37 | 38 min |
| #2 | xǝɹ snoᴉdnolǝpɐnפ ❤ | 780 | 0.39 | 17 min |
| #3 | ⛟ M'Cuckn ⛟ | 345 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #4 | Baaaaaang smytherinoguadeloupe | 259 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #5 | amob | 125 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xǝɹ snoᴉdnolǝpɐnפ ❤ | +2.93 | 66 | 59 |
| #2 | Baaaaaang smytherinoguadeloupe | +2.86 | 85 | 63 |
| #3 | Guadeloupious Rex | +1.78 | 67 | 61 |
| #4 | pyker | +0.92 | 72 | 51 |
| #5 | amob | -0.13 | 66 | 57 |





