








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 243 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,810 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1662 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2767 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3540 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2841 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,019,015 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 138 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OneTappi | 54% | 147 |
| #2 | KeijoAnnikki | 54% | 209 |
| #3 | Kakefuri | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | Alc | 51% | 228 |
| #5 | ToxicScrub | 51% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ToxicScrub | 51% | 152 |
| #6 | EkuBlyat(NAKKIKONE) | 49% | 130 |
| #7 | Jakezor | 48% | 176 |
| #8 | TheFatFinnishDude | 47% | 19 |
| #9 | ^EmX^ | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KeijoAnnikki | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | ToxicScrub | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Alc | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Jakezor | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | OneTappi | 4 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakezor | 809 | 0.22 | 21 min |
| #2 | KeijoAnnikki | 751 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #3 | Alc | 390 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | OneTappi | 256 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #5 | EkuBlyat(NAKKIKONE) | 171 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KeijoAnnikki | +1.31 | 68 | 76 |
| #2 | EkuBlyat(NAKKIKONE) | +1.04 | 73 | 59 |
| #3 | Alc | +0.71 | 39 | 71 |
| #4 | Royal Brunette | +0.29 | 57 | 60 |
| #5 | Jakezor | -0.20 | 52 | 78 |





