










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
387 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,490 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 244 | 16% |
| Smokes | 248 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 603 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 395 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,423 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | لا حول ولا قوة إلا | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Esteban Le Gruyerier | 46% | 28 |
| #3 | Guitron la Malice | 44% | 62 |
| #4 | feunyx | 42% | 36 |
| #5 | linkenparis ^-^ | 38% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | linkenparis ^-^ | 15 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | Guitron la Malice | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | لا حول ولا قوة إلا | 3 | 0.0216 |
| #4 | Esteban Le Gruyerier | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | linkenparis ^-^ | 113 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | feunyx | 78 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Guitron la Malice | 49 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | Esteban Le Gruyerier | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | لا حول ولا قوة إلا | 19 | 0.14 | 0 min |





