








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
493 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,943 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 172 | 9% |
| Smokes | 776 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 449 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 546 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $89,825 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Jimmy B | 48% | 40 |
| #5 | Filthy Casual | 46% | 39 |
| #6 | ︻デ 一 PEW 一 デ︻ | 42% | 26 |
| #7 | smashin` demons ッ | 25% | 4 |
| #8 | SteenD | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jimmy B | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Filthy Casual | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | smashin` demons ッ | 1 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | SteenD | 1 | 0.0114 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jimmy B | 91 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | Filthy Casual | 61 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Dyltom | 44 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | ︻デ 一 PEW 一 デ︻ | 25 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | smashin` demons ッ | 18 | 0.20 | 0 min |





