








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 595 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 211 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2938 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,283 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1644 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2075 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2217 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 347 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $439,818 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 701 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniped | 59% | 56 |
| #2 | abokatski | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | Yoda | 44% | 16 |
| #4 | fisher | 44% | 48 |
| #5 | HyperWeak | 43% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Yoda | 44% | 16 |
| #4 | fisher | 44% | 48 |
| #5 | HyperWeak | 43% | 44 |
| #6 | Machi | 41% | 29 |
| #7 | Staalxi | 32% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniped | 19 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | fisher | 8 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | HyperWeak | 7 | 0.0077 |
| #4 | abokatski | 6 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | Yoda | 6 | 0.0211 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniped | 139 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | HyperWeak | 82 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | fisher | 74 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | abokatski | 48 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Yoda | 39 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 第一 Kvams | +2.28 | 73 | 41 |
| #2 | Sniped | +1.14 | 72 | 59 |
| #3 | Staalxi | -0.23 | 60 | 43 |
| #4 | Machi | -0.69 | 56 | 39 |
| #5 | Yoda | -0.88 | 36 | 48 |





