








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1885 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 183 matches | ||
| Premier | 160 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 63 matches | ||
| Wingman | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 422 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8182 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,426 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4846 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3881 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3614 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3085 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,862,652 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 799 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sch1mple | 54% | 46 |
| #2 | g2mayonesy | 52% | 228 |
| #3 | Štyfon Paštéty | 45% | 130 |
| #4 | wOndEr | 43% | 42 |
| #5 | ⛧hohan0ss⛧ | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sch1mple | 54% | 46 |
| #2 | g2mayonesy | 52% | 228 |
| #3 | Štyfon Paštéty | 45% | 130 |
| #4 | wOndEr | 43% | 42 |
| #5 | ⛧hohan0ss⛧ | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | g2mayonesy | 18 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | ⛧hohan0ss⛧ | 11 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | Štyfon Paštéty | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | wOndEr | 7 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | Sch1mple | 4 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | g2mayonesy | 391 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #2 | ⛧hohan0ss⛧ | 198 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | Štyfon Paštéty | 182 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Sch1mple | 178 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | wOndEr | 174 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛧hohan0ss⛧ | +2.08 | 58 | 51 |
| #2 | Boss | +2.07 | 67 | 55 |
| #3 | wOndEr | +1.91 | 62 | 44 |
| #4 | g2mayonesy | +0.55 | 43 | 65 |
| #5 | Sch1mple | +0.00 | 52 | 75 |





