








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 998 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 177 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7719 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,021 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2150 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1495 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2272 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3104 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,689,064 of utility $220 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 213 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BulletHail | 62% | 61 |
| #2 | coal | 55% | 80 |
| #3 | kai | 51% | 118 |
| #4 | Fourgoblin | 51% | 244 |
| #5 | Bassel al-Assad | 51% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stun | 92 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | lexotaku | 53 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | WTFlopping | 18 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | BulletHail | 17 | 0.0144 |
| #5 | bingus drilla | 9 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lexotaku | 774 | 0.07 | 16 min |
| #2 | Stun | 460 | 0.05 | 12 min |
| #3 | bingus drilla | 429 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #4 | Bassel al-Assad | 274 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | WTFlopping | 228 | 0.07 | 6 min |





