








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
838 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,589 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 435 | 27% |
| Smokes | 219 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 373 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 562 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $415,350 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 168 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrub | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | eyeless | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | Quantum | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | Lil Cumster | 48% | 56 |
| #5 | vG` SettLSD | 46% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrub | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | eyeless | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | Quantum | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | Lil Cumster | 48% | 56 |
| #5 | vG` SettLSD | 46% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vG` SettLSD | 14 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | Quantum | 8 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Lil Cumster | 8 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | eyeless | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Shrub | 2 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vG` SettLSD | 338 | 0.24 | 8 min |
| #2 | Quantum | 312 | 0.27 | 6 min |
| #3 | eyeless | 80 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Lil Cumster | 79 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Shrub | 42 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vG` SettLSD | +2.96 | 67 | 63 |
| #2 | Quantum | +1.98 | 64 | 60 |
| #3 | Lil Cumster | +0.95 | 64 | 34 |
| #4 | Shrub | +0.43 | 74 | 52 |
| #5 | eyeless | -0.44 | 70 | 39 |





