








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 648 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 314 matches | ||
| Wingman | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4892 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,041 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3010 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2242 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2804 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2985 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,263,398 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 297 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JesusEmil | 50% | 104 |
| #2 | zmørremeister | 43% | 94 |
| #3 | Jeff | 40% | 42 |
| #4 | Slump | 40% | 45 |
| #5 | Dalle Boone | 37% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | zmørremeister | 43% | 94 |
| #3 | Jeff | 40% | 42 |
| #4 | Slump | 40% | 45 |
| #5 | Dalle Boone | 37% | 41 |
| #6 | Pippeli Sauna Pojka'iii vittu | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pippeli Sauna Pojka'iii vittu | 24 | 0.0361 |
| #2 | Slump | 19 | 0.0207 |
| #3 | Dalle Boone | 18 | 0.0216 |
| #4 | JesusEmil | 13 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | zmørremeister | 13 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JesusEmil | 256 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | Pippeli Sauna Pojka'iii vittu | 112 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | zmørremeister | 101 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Slump | 47 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dalle Boone | 44 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guné | +1.74 | 90 | 52 |
| #2 | JesusEmil | +1.28 | 78 | 60 |
| #3 | Dalle Boone | +0.24 | 81 | 43 |
| #4 | zmørremeister | -0.42 | 66 | 37 |
| #5 | Jeff | -1.31 | 66 | 49 |





